I was talking with my dear friend Mickey yesterday and we were sort of rummaging through the past to figure out one simple thing: Why has promoting ourselves as artists been so psychologically difficult for us?

We both concluded this aversion to promoting ourselves and the work that we're doing wasn't something endemic to who we “are” at our core- genetically, or spiritually- It wasn't a quality assigned to us at birth. I'm an actor, he's a folksinger/ songwriter. Both of these things involve getting onstage in front of a group of people and trying to be compelling enough that the room pays attention to you. We're smart guys, and we'd chosen paths that demand constant self-promotion. But, we didn't want to do it. So, what's the problem?

We concluded it was a cultural thing- I took it a step further and invoked an axiom that has become a sort of refrain in my life. Our 'generation'- or at least our subculture- growing up in NYC and coming of age in the late nineties- We have what I call “Millenial aspirations, with Gen-X sensibilities.”

Where do you fit, dear reader? From what I've found, if you find this statement interesting, you're a millenial. If you want to punch me in the face, you're undoubtedly Gen X.

Post-punk Gen X grew up worshipping Kurt Cobain and Winona Ryder. Fair enough, those people are ******* awesome. They embodied the best of the free-spirited '60's counterculture, and combined it with the right dose of post-modern cynicism to make it deliciously tolerable.

What'd they do to promote themselves in the collective public psyche, exactly? My favorite Kurt Cobain banter was the first thing he said on the 'Nirvana: Unplugged In New York' album. If you're young and you've never heard it please treat yourself. First thing he says before the show? No, it's not “Hey thanks for coming here tonight!” No “NEW YORK CITYY HOW ARE YOUU!?!” or anything of that nature. Nope. Kurt just goes, “This is off our first record. Most of you don't own it.” Then breaks into “About A Girl”, which, yeah, there's a good chance you don't remember that song.

“This is off our first record. Most of you don't own it.”

That's some attitude, man! It's Kurt Cobain, and this was the model of what a true artist is! “I just do the work, man. You come to me to experience it. This is my field of dreams. I built it, you come, or don't, whatever man. I'm the mountain- come climb me if you can handle it or piss off to some fake packaged bubblegum B.S. if that’s your speed.”

Meanwhile Winona, the most sought after movie star in Hollywood? Shoplifting.

Epic. What a time to be alive.

Sure she'd go on a talk show and promote her new movie, but her heart wasn't really in that side of things, because she was cool. We'd go see her movie because she was cool and talented and captured our soul. She seemed to not want it. Hence, the shoplifting. And the coolness. 60's counterculture, post-modern attitude.

Please eat my soul, Winona. Please. Please please please.

“Some are born great... some have greatness thrust upon them.”

Today, in this social media world, that is not an option. You have to want it. You have to let people see you wanting it, trying for it, striving for it... I always joke about going to a music festival in this day and age, and the thing every frontman says between every gaddang song is, “Wow, hey, thanks for coming you guys! Wow!” The worst was seeing Miley Cyrus' brother or whatever say those exact words at Govball 2016. Him being covered in tats from head to toe thanking everybody for coming and pretending to be genuinely surprised still gives me nightmares.

It makes my Gen-X-sensibility-having skin crawl.

Fair enough? Maybe. Here's the thing- The economy in the 80's and 90's was such that you could be bad at self-promotion and still have a career as an artist. You could find some other promoter/manager who saw potential in you and would take you on as their client and handle all of that icky stuff for you. You just had to be 'real' and produce.

Those conditions no longer exist. So let's look at it. I'm not working at a big company that handles all of the 'icky marketing stuff' for me. On the contrary, I have a job where I reap the rewards of expanding my reputation, and gaining the benefits of 'local celebrity' status. When people find out who I am and what I do and what I can do for them, it gives us the opportunity to have a Win/Win transaction. And, unlike a humble employee, I get to keep all of my company's rewards.

Now we can know all of this stuff intellectually, but if we're not taking action on it every day, it's meaningless. So how do we get from here, to there?

I've had many personal coaches in my life. Joseph Bennett is the best. I'm a huge believer in the process- it's not about rah-rah getting pumped up, its about strategy and practical psychology. He realized that two things have to happen. Number one, this is not something that is solved by playing chess against yourself in your own head. This is worked out by taking action every single day in the direction of your dreams. As he says, “Strike like lightning in every direction.” Complexity is the enemy of action. Break things down into simple chunks so you know exactly what to do, and then execute.

But there is another side to it. Limiting beliefs are real and they are crippling, and if you don't address them, you're driving around with the e-brake on and eventually you'll run out of gas. Putting one foot in front of the other is important to get started, but eventually you have to start walking, or the inertia becomes more than you can bear.

And that's where looking at beliefs becomes important-- AFTER you're taking consistent action. He helped me realize, as stupid as it might sound, I need to attach a traditional masculine virtue to self-promotion that has the same sort of old-world dignity to it, as, say, farming. It's really the only sustainable way ahead. Now I can feel some long-lost grandfather rolling in his grave, as I type this- The idea that some selfie on instagram telling my friends to read this very article has the same simple dignity as plowing a wheat-field by hand to feed my family? It's cringey- but that's the other part of it- A huge part of motivating me to take action in the direction of my dreams is to show up for the next generation.

And really, that's my audience here- it's not so much just for my friends or family as for the next generation of artists- who are looking for a way to contribute to creative enterprise without losing their soul- And in this light- the part of this life with perhaps with the most dignity of all, is promoting it.

Portrait of the young artist as a self-promoter